Lost in the Music

Life is short. Today I realized that. Why stress over thing I cannot change at the moment. I know if I continue on God’s path I will be fine. I shall not worry about a man that does not care for me. I will focus on my career and take care of family and myself. I have two options #1 fall in love #2 get rich. I choose #2 for now. All I want to do is smoke all day and write. I want a career out of it. I also want to have fun in the meantime. I am young and live my life like I am old. Talents go away when you don’t use them. I need to stop worrying bout a man and live. Right now I am listening to @MikeWiLLMadeIt album. Anything with him on the beat makes me better. See my real love is music. I am having an affair with writing for music. Something about a good beat can turn my whole day around. It keeps me moving. But that’s just me. I was in school for music production but had to take a leave due to my crazy ass life. It was too much at once but I will be back in a few months. It was either work and make money or go to school. I will be doing both soon. Well enough about me, let’s talk about you. Anyone? I would love if someone would read this and actually comment. I will write everyday until I am recognized. Every single day. Even when things aren’t right. I am inspired listening to this mix tape. I didn’t really accomplish much today but once I wake up in the am I will. I am beyond broke right now with no food and no income but I’m bout to change all that. This writing will pay the bills sooner or later. I will never stop until something changes. I look at others life and feel so bad that’s why I want to make it so I can help others. Maybe I should just write a blog about music because right now that’s all I can think of. Plus my life isn’t much to talk about right now. Once I get my money I will change my life. I will pay off all my bills, help who needs help and save the rest. By the summer I will have my money stacked for a car. It is either that or takes it and move to ATL. Until then I’m not going to have much of a life. It takes money to do what you want. Right now I have none, and if you have none stay the fuck from round me. If you don’t fuck wit me when I have nothing please don’t fuck wit me when I do. I am solo. I don’t need friends or a crew to back me up. I don’t like fakeness and will only tolerate you if we do business together. I am one that goes out by herself because females are soooo phony. That’s why I have guy friends but everyone hates so much they think I am fucking them. I do not care what anyone thinks. My life is not your concern unless I fuck wit you. That’s why I chose not display my real name on my blog. I do not want the fame. I just want the fortune. Well I am about to call it a night. I have a sexy nighty on and no one to comfort me but I bet he gone want me soon and then it will be too late cuz I will be on bigger and better things. Love ya reader’s goodnight.

FREE

I seen the “love of my life today” and realized HE AINT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! I was blind before but now I see. I can’t make someone want me and his lack of desire for me turns me off. Oh how I no longer care. I have much more to offer than the eye for tells. I am a great catch and if he cannot see that then he is missing out. I am kind of glad that he did not attempt to “sweet talk” me. I am also glad he did not come knocking on my door because my friend is sleeping on the couch. He is missing out on something grand. I know there is another man out there that can appreciate my value. I have NO FOOD in my house and not a dime in my pocket. How can he provide for me when he is as broke as I? If I am with a man at this time he would have to take care of me due to the lack of care I can take of myself at the moment. When I am financially stable I will not need a man for anything but at this moment I can do bad by myself. He doesn’t have enough money for me anyway. What’s funny is I didn’t even care. As a woman I was willing to accept his flaws. I was also willing to be the bread maker and cook, clean and make his every desire come true. It is crazy how us as women are more than able to do all these things for our men but they cannot even do ONE THING. They cannot settle down. I have not met one man that hasn’t cheated. I also know that the men that are willing to take care of me are Liars and cheaters. You can never have it all. You can find a man that can give you a worry-free lifestyle but you cannot be his only one. Or you can have a loving, caring man that does not cheat but he is a broke man with no ambition. I know anything in life is possible so it shouldn’t be too far fetched to find a man with both qualities or is it? Another lonely night! I can have a man now but I am too choosy. I want the whole package or nothing at all. How can I be so choosy when I myself am not perfect? With that being said I try pretty hard to be. In the end it does not matter. I was born alone and shall die alone. In the same breath I want an extraordinary life and half of it is gone. I have struggled 95 percent of my life and now it is time for me too be free. Free from the overbearing emotion of love, free from drama and worry-free. It would be nice to settle down but as of now I think my calling is LIFE. I am beautiful with no kids I should be having the time of my life. No more thoughts of settling down until I am 35. By then I shall be successful and content. Until then I am SINGLE IN THE CITY!

Help Me!

I have nothing truly exciting to say about me day. Same old, same old. I stayed in the house due to the 10-degree temperature. I also am attempting to quit smoking. I made fried chicken breast, cornbread and mashed potatoes and gravy for dinner. I also gave my friend a makeover. I am thinking about changing my blog topic. It is either Erotica or fashion advice. Any suggestions. I am hoping to have an audience by the morning with some suggestions. I am very tired and just want to take a shower and go to bed. Usually I am in the mood to write but today is not one of them days. I don’t know if it’s the nicotine withdrawal or my high but either way I’m tired. I wish I had a luxurious, grand life to talk about but truth is right now it is everything but that. I am broke, and lonely. I do not have time for a man to come into my life and slow me down again. I am focusing on my career and a man will just distract me. I have no interest sitting around a man that does not want to drop everything and take care of me. Thank you everyone for reading please spread the word. I assure you everyday will get more and more interesting. Thank you.

Nina's Confessions: Day 2 of Hell

Nina's Confessions: Day 2 of Hell: Today I realized men aren’t shit. The love of my life doesn’t care very much about love. I am frozen in time. I have no desire to continue wanting the unwanted.

            On another note I had a great day today. I cooked, cleaned and smoked. I thought about what I need to do in order to change my life. What shall I do? I am convinced that writing a blog will change everything and I will be able to make a career with my passion but so far it does not look too promising.  I am in debt to the ceiling and have no idea how I am going to get out of it. Yes I am unemployed but that’s due to the fact that my scumbag manager decided to fire me due to her negligence.

            Now I am sitting here with a cigarette and glass of vodka pondering.

I had to have a drink after I seen my ex boyfriend happy in love with another woman not to my liking. Not to be vain but I am what you call pretty. That bitch is fat and ugly. Not that I have anything against fat women. I am not the skinniest but when you are plus size you have to work extra hard to maintain your image. You should dress nice, have hair, nails and eyebrows done and your face should be flawless. That’s just my opinion.

            My ex was schizophrenic. He treated me like I was nothing. When I was with him I lost myself. I lost my dreams, ambitions, and heart. I am loving the single life now. We been broken up for a while now and I am so over him. I am so over him putting his finger in me after we had sex to make sure there were no seamen in there. I’m so over him thinking I took his personality traits. I’m so over him hearing voices telling him I was cheating. I’m so over him not allowing me to be happy.

            Single life does get lonely but at least I have freedom. The man I am interested in now is sooo not interesting. Lol. I have many men for different needs. I do not have sex with all of them. One man I have is my old head. He is whom I fuck.  He makes me come all over his big BLACK dick. I have a white boy to take care of my finances. Right now we aren’t speaking due to the fact that his girlfriend is a maniac and will beat him up and kick him out if he talks to me. #White people problems. I have a young bio to use for weed.

            I want my midnight. The one I was telling you about yesterday. I want him bad. I would leave everyone alone for him. Oh well love is for the birds. I will make sure I get over it by the time I go to sleep. Tomorrow will be a better day. Hopefully I can focus on writing. Usually my writing speaks for itself but today it really is horrible. Please continue to read everyday. I assure you it will get more interesting.

Nina's Confessions: The one I Want

Nina's Confessions: The one I Want: I confess, I confess this man is a test. He is an infinite structure of solidity. His skin is as smooth as silk soymilk, and as dark as cocoa powder. He is the definition of my desire. I didn’t get to look in his eyes that are deeper than the ocean today due to the fact that my overwhelming desire for him is making him draw back. I try to contain my thoughts when he is around. I end up tongue-tied and at loss for words. I hope that no one has ever hurt him in his life because I do not see how someone can harm such perfection.

            Oh now I see the catch. He is not a big talker. Instead what little words he does speak sounds like pure harmony. I sure hope this is not an obsession but mere love. For he is the one I want to marry and have a life with. Oh so soon? Yes I have felt this since the first day we met. It has been two months later and my feelings just came out yesterday. He had no idea I felt this way. The question is does he? My heart has been broken one too many times I cannot deal with another. What can I do to make him love and desire me? I am a good catch but maybe by the paleness of my skin I cannot stand up to a man so authentic. My roots do not run as deep as his.

            I am beautiful, smart, funny and great in bed so why does he not desire me? Hopefully I get to see him tomorrow when I wake up and things will change. I will fill you in with all the juicy details. Goodnight cruel, cruel world.